Nine days ago I went through a surgical procedure which relieved me of crippling pain which had kept me house bound for 10 months. I asked for prayers from friends, specifically in alignment with my own prayer= for serenity of mind and strengthening of my Trust in God. Immediately after the procedure, that very same day, my Serenity and Trust were shattered= an insurance and financial issue freaked me out and, in violation of Doctor’s orders I went out on the bus to make a corrective move possible in what remained of that day. The next day I made some more corrective moves, then suddenly realized that I had totally misread the situation and the disaster did not really exist, though the moves I made did actually need doing…     I found my Serenity restored, my Faith justified, the pain I had lived with so long, Gone. Psalm 129 and the first 10 verses of Romans 12 have been my steady Scriptures of contemplation since. Housework, studio work, singing, cooking have kept hands and mind occupied while I wait upon the Lord. Psalm 129 emphasizes the quality of Perseverance in discipleship; Romans 12: 1-10 is about giving my whole, unadorned, ordinary human self in offering, “a living sacrifice,” to God. In February, 2010 I fervently prayed this dedication=        My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go through this day to do Thy bidding. Amen.       I have learned that the Spiritual Life is not a theory. It must be lived in daily renewed truth.
When I was 12 I sought ‘the call’ to God’s service but I finally quit trying because I didn’t feel I had gotten an answer. I was wrong. My calling was to persevere in a search for God in Truth, not in theory; a God I could totally believe in without reserve; a God I could totally give myself to…  What amazes me now, remembering that little guy in 1953 is the fidelity to that search he ended up demonstrating and the amazing meetings with God he actually had and how protected he was by God in every endeavor… When I realize these things my soul is filled with overflowing love for the Great Shepherd who has nurtured me Always…     I thought perseverance had to do with persistence in improving oneself, but I have learned that it has more to do with holding myself open and willing to God’s action in me. Paul suggests that I fix my attention on God; that I will be changed from the inside out; and that I need to learn to recognize what God wants from me, and to be quick to respond. My old thirst to Understand myself and God has been replaced by Recognition of what God is and what He does for me which reveals me to myself- what understandings I can have arises from that. Revelation and Recognition= a whole new gnosis. What seemed backward at first to my rational mind, I now find compatible with my Greater Intelligence which is my whole mind of which rational thinking is only a part…AND THAT is immensely satisfying to my Spirit.                                                                                                                I sense that I have been given my mission in life now, but I will have to live it to know what it is. Somehow, that makes sense. Staying my mind on God. Loving God. Loving myself and all I meet is what is required of me. Help me Great Shepherd to stay the course. Amen.